The Act of Extending Grace
I’m reflecting these days on what it means to allow people to be who they are instead of who we want them to be, who we think they are, or who we wish they could be. To notice the quirks and the flaws that make them not us—and to be perfectly okay with that. To realize that what we interpret as quirks and flaws may actually be part of the beautiful tapestry of all they are; the things that make them unique and call us to uniquely treasure them.
This, I believe, is grace. To be perfectly content to let others enjoy their own sacred identity.
I recently listened to a TED Talk by Sean Goode called The Unifying Power of Grace. Click Here to Watch He talks about what he calls “unapologetic grace”—the idea of extending the promise of forgiveness before someone has even done anything wrong.
That idea stayed with me. Because grace is not only something we extend after someone disappoints us. Sometimes grace is what we extend when we realize that the person standing in front of us was never supposed to become the person we imagined.
Grace is also recognizing that when someone’s identity doesn’t meet what we had hoped or dreamed or imagined, the gap between the two is not necessarily ours to fix. It is not ours to mend or repair. Grace is forgiving ourselves for not being able to make another person be the person we needed them to be. This is true of our parents. It is true of our children. It is true of our closest relationships. And it is true of us.
We are all the products of a society and an upbringing that we had little or no say over. We arrived here with our particular genetics, temperament and wiring, and then the world began shaping us—molding and influencing us into who we are today. And it will continue to shape us into who we have yet to become.
To be truly gracious is to accept ourselves, to celebrate ourselves, and to gently prod ourselves to continue to grow and learn and evolve into the kind of person for whom grace comes as naturally as breathing.
Gracious to ourselves.
Gracious to each other.
I think grace is one of the forces in the universe that doesn’t fade. It builds strength as it ripples through the lives it touches. I lost my friend Shane this month. After suffering so much with ALS, Shane is finally at peace. He was one of the most gracious people I have ever known. And I believe his grace will continue to make ripples of impact through all of us who were fortunate enough to walk any part of this human journey with him.
Our core characteristic this month is Extended Grace.
Grace is a noun. Extended Grace is a verb.
It calls us to action. It asks us to notice what irritates us about another person—and then to let it go, to let it be. It asks us to embrace perfect imperfection. It asks us to care for ourselves well enough that we have something left to extend to others. Extended Grace, I realize now, is the expression of many of our other core characteristics.
This month, please join me in my quest to live in a state of Extended Grace.
Namaste,
Barbara Lee
Experi-Mentor
Barbara@MomentumCenterGH.org
